i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
