I'm lost and stupid without you.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
