Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
