Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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