When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
