We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
