Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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