Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
