awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
