I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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