respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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