I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
