im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
