SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize