fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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