giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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