Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
