I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
