i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
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