Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
