If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
