once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
