i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
