There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
