WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
