I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
