if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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