yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
