If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
