You just made me feel so damn special
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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