yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
