I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
