Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just invented taco cereal.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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