i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
