I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
did i walk over a car last night?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
