I'm going to jail i love you
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
