who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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