youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
