I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
