Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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