Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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