morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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