my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
