She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize