This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
