The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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