So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize