highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
