ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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