my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
