You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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