oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
