I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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