He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
