didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
