you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
