A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I need help removing her.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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