apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
