i jhust puked up my retainher.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
