I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
