He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
