are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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