I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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