Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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