I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
