I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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