I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
how does that bad decision feel?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
