What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
