I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
